The art of allowing is not a new concept. It has been discussed by well-known authors such as Mike Robbins and is often mentioned as a part of the Law of Attraction. The allowing that I want to talk about is not about allowing people to disrespect, abuse or generally treat you poorly. That is never acceptable. This type of allowing is more about acceptance of what is, acceptance of other people and acceptance of our past and current life situation.
Most of us at an early age are taught if we want anything in life we must work hard and pursue it with all our passion. While hard work is admirable, if we feel that is the only way to achieve a goal, then anything we perceive as a barrier to that goal is going to cause us a level of distress. It can sometimes cause us to become impatient and intolerant to anybody or anything that we perceive as getting in the way of our goal. These goals may be long term (career) or short term (getting home).
I would suggest that many road rage incidents are a result of a perception that someone or something is causing us to be late for an appointment or simply to get home. Often the anger is not about what is happening now but what happened previously and what may happen in the future. So, Driver (A) has had a bad day at work and just wants to get home quickly. Maybe they got passed up for that promotion at work or felt annoyed that other people didn’t seem to be working as hard as them. Driver (B) is not focusing fully on the road and drifts slightly into the lane of Driver (A). Driver (B) quickly adjusts and waves apologetically to Driver (A). Rather than “allowing” for the other driver’s acknowledged error Driver (A) decides to aggressively follow the other driver to express their anger, even though it takes them off their normal route home. Even if this incident went no further (which sadly is often not the case) it is hard to see how anyone benefited from this exchange.
Imagine now if Driver (A) had spent the day allowing or accepting that today had not been a great day and that was okay. Other people weren’t working as hard as they felt they should but maybe they were doing their best. After all being angry about it hasn’t changed anything so far except make them more upset. The scenario of driving home would have been a much more peaceful experience and they would have gotten home as quickly as was possible.
Some of you may be thinking, are you saying I shouldn’t get angry. Not at all. What I am suggesting is if you find yourself getting angry at everything someone does whether intentionally or not you are going to spend most of your life upset. It is like the saying “anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die” or as the late Wayne Dyer stated, “there are no justified resentments”.
Allowing and acceptance takes practice, but the benefits of inner peace and contentment are certainly worth the effort. Plus, you are no longer reliant on other people to change so you can feel better. I mean let’s be honest, how many people in your life have changed their behaviour because you ranted and raved and got frustrated and angry. I know in my life the answer is none. Allowing is simple but it is not easy. Like any life skill it takes willingness and practice. Try it for a day or a week and see how it changes the way you feel.
The art of allowing and acceptance is probably best summed up by a short excerpt from A. A’s “Just for Today” readings which says: Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything else to my own desires. I will take my “luck” as it comes and fit myself to it”.
Try it, it really does work.
Wishing you all the best in your journey
Phil Miranda
